Parody: If Dr. Huberman was a Software Engineer.
... Imagine Dr. Huberman debugging code by staring intently at the monitor, measuring his pupil dilation as if it will reveal the root cause of a null pointer exception ...
If Dr. Andrew Huberman Was a Software Engineer
Imagine Dr. Huberman debugging code by staring intently at the monitor, measuring his pupil dilation as if it will reveal the root cause of a null pointer exception. When asked why he wrote 50 pages of documentation on optimizing a single loop, he replies, “Well, activating your dopamine pathways with excessive reading is the future of code efficiency.” And instead of coffee, he insists on a meticulously timed cold plunge between every git commit, because, obviously, cold immersion is the only way to truly “refactor your brain.”
If Dr. Andrew Huberman Was a Software Engineer (Part 2)
Picture Dr. Huberman pairing “biohacking” with “backend.” Every time his code executes a database query, he whips out a heart-rate monitor to ensure his cardiac coherence stays within the optimal zone. He refuses to merge any pull request until he’s completed a 30-minute breathwork session, “because your vagus nerve must be oriented in the right direction to push clean code.” And when someone suggests using Docker, he retorts: “Sure, but have you considered using a neuralink to directly interface with Kubernetes?”
If Dr. Andrew Huberman Was a Software Engineer (Part 3)
Imagine Huberman refusing to deploy code until he’s recorded EEG data showing peak gamma wave activity, “because deploying during theta state causes memory leaks in your hippocampus.” He insists every function be documented with its impact on neuroplasticity, arguing that poorly written loops literally shrink your frontal cortex. And catch him optimizing his commit schedule to align with circadian cortisol peaks, because “if you’re not pushing to GitHub precisely at your cortisol awakening response, are you even leveraging your endogenous performance enhancers?”